The whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me Yah. Where it all began exactly, I don’t know. But over the course of 1 year I was faced with many mom challenges that I had to reconcile with. My oldest was in first grade, being bused to a private Christian school, which ended up being a 2 hour commute for him everyday. He was the first pick up and the last drop off. So sad. The imagery just seems so lonely and miserable. And he was miserable! He hated that long commute and he expressed that. Not to mention an incident on the bus where another child threatened to stab him with a pen! So the short term solution was for Grammy or daddy or auntie to pick him up as often as possible.
My next issue was the labeling or categorizing. During parent teacher conferences we kept being told our first grader was “falling below benchmark” in reading. Considering that he just learned to read the previous year I didn’t understand how. My point being, he was a new reader and he could in fact read. How fast or slow wasn’t a concern for me at that point because, over time, speed and fluency could be developed. So I was skeptical about that assessment to say the least.
The way my work schedule was allowed me to put the first grader on the bus and see him off then drop the other two off at daycare on my way to work. By the time I got off of work, it was time to pick up my two from daycare. My mother would meet the bus each afternoon and get my oldest off the bus so he was already home when I got in with the other two. They would usually finish up homework before I got there. And when I’d arrive it was just in time to make dinner and get everyone ready for the next day. So a few things began to bother me. First, it felt like my mother was more like the mother, to my oldest anyway. She knew what was going on more than I did. There wasn’t enough time for me to be filled in or I was too tired to wrap my head around it. Her help was and still is invaluable, but I felt like I relied too much on her because I just didn’t have the time or energy to engage the way she did.
As for my other two that were in daycare, the problem was the fact that I dropped them off and picked them up and had no idea about what happened in between. Basically, I felt like I was missing out on my children. We were missing out on eachother! They didn’t know what my day was like either. Mommy was always running to work or leaving them with someone to go to work. Family is a beautiful thing but they can grow weary of helping out too. I get that! And I felt bad asking them to help so often. Not to mention the stress and logistics of seeing who could do what when because my schedule was xyz. The kids didn’t like being dropped off either. No more than I liked being dropped off as a child, but my mother had to work too. My husband and I had one hired babysitter that we trusted, which was great. Only problem was, a lot of other parents loved and trusted her too and she was in high demand so availability was an issue.
I felt like the role of parent was being distributed all over the place. Of course mommy and daddy are always who we are but we both had to work…right? We were just doing what our own parents did. They worked hard to send us to “good” schools. My husband and I both went to private schools growing up, we both got dropped off places we didn’t necessarily like and our parents weren’t fully aware of the many happenings of our day. So our children went to a top notch daycare and private parochial school. Albeit very expensive, it was worth the great education…right?
Suffice it to say I worked in a corporate job, with corporate people and corporate policies. To take a day off required personal days or vacation days, which meant if me or my children were sick, days were used. So that brought this mother to the sad point of having to choose whether to stay home with a sick baby (who just wants their mommy) or going to work. And if I did choose to go to work, feeling guilty of course, constantly calling whatever blessed caregiver for updates on my baby.
Around this time my husband and I were coming into the truth that we were Hebrews which is a complete departure from the cultural practices that were taught to our children, even in daycare. We researched a lot of things we had celebrated for years like Thanksgiving and Christmas and birthdays. And what we discovered to be true was incongruent with what we grew up believing as well as what our children were learning. We were making adjustments everywhere. I submitted a request to have the Shabbat off. Which of course meant Friday evening until Saturday evening. It was a battle for about two months or so and then the request was granted.
As all these different circumstances and situations swirled together into the perfect storm, I began to think, in my head, a lot, about homeschooling. Questions upon questions. How could I do it? What would my husband think? Could I quit my job? Then it happened. One day my husband came up to my job to drop something off to me and as I stood at his passenger side window in the parking lot, we had one of the most casual exchanges about the life altering decision of homeschooling. He actually expressed the interest first and I’m kicking myself because I don’t even remember what he said. But I remember agreeing and from that point on the decision was made. We were going to homeschool and I would teach. Phew! I was relieved. That went much smoother than I anticipated. It wasn’t even a question of financials at that point because we discussed my salary vs. tuition over time, in previous unrelated conversations. The difference between what I earned and tuition was about $3000. Additionally, we believe in living modestly and lifestyle wasn’t an issue. But even if it had been, I would’ve been willing to sacrifice our comfort to get it done.
So as I embarked on what was really a personal journey for me there was much I looked forward to. I looked forward to not stressing about juggling childcare and begging people to watch my kids (even when I paid-availability was an issue). I looked forward to being able to take them to the doctor or stay home with them if they were sick. I looked forward to learning their personalities and observing what makes them tick. I looked forward to unlocking their brains and approaching learning in a way that unlocked their curiosity and potential. I looked forward to being their mom in an uncompromised way.
Is it tough? Yes! A lot of things in life are. Being an adult is tough. But I don’t have a choice and that’s how I look at homeschool, as if I have no choice. The education system from my own experience and observation didn’t work for me and I didn’t like the direction it was leading my babies into either; not academically or culturally. These are my kids! They are my (and my husband’s) responsibility. Shaping their minds and affirming their value isn’t a job for a stranger to do. I wouldn’t let a stranger give my children food yet I let one get their hands on their brain. No sir,mam,no jelly,no jam! I don’t lie to my children so why am I letting a stranger lie to them? About history, and holidays, and identity. I’m in rant mode now but I would encourage any parent of brown children to seriously think about it.
As for the question of being qualified to educate one’s children, if you’re qualified to have them then you are qualified to educate them. It is inherently a part of being a parent, to teach them! We teach them life skills and values, why not math or reading too? That’s not to minimize the effort and roles of career teachers but before we were allowed to read in this country, we educated our own children. Not to mention, there are so many homeschool models other than solely having a teacher parent.
As for not having the patience required, that comes with practice. And yes, they do get on my nerves sometimes, some days more than others but they’re mine and I love them still. And I rather have them get on my nerves every so often than be misunderstood, miseducated or labeled.
So to answer the questions I posed earlier in this post, No, we do not both have to work (outside the home), and No, the money spent on their education was not worth it because they weren’t being taught in love and truth. So there you have it in one gigantic nutshell. Please leave comments or questions below.
Be blessed and Shalom.
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